I feel like an old lady when I drink my coffee, I'm running to the bathroom fifteen minutes later! This has never happened to me but we change as we grow. I actually laughed at myself because I work in a cafe so I'm drinking a lot of coffee not that I already do my poor body XD but it just occurred to me today that I'm running to the bathroom every time after and I probably look like an old lady to my co workers. That and my rants about how people around my age most of the time suck at life. I have the day off tomorrow! Probably going to be trapped inside though because it has been getting chilly outside. If you think around 70 is chilly......I live in Florida people here put on the fur coats mittens they go through the whole notion that it's down pouring with snow outside, but in reality its only around 70. I got off of work before the sun went down and I was so excited about taking Alessa to the park finally. But it's chilly and gross out and it doesn't help that it now gets dark around five, ewwwwww where is my sunshine? Hello isn't this the sunshine state? The change of season is happening just so slow and not as dramatic as it is from my birth place. It's nice though overall I love living here because I crave change. And no dramatic change of season is an awesome enough change for me. I wonder if that's normal? I bet a large number of people just can't sit still. I feel the need to keep moving and also move the shit around my house. I love getting away from old people and getting to meet new personalities and than running from those new personalities because people tend to suck.
We have begun to play Christmas music at work and the worst part is that now Alvin and the Chipmunks are considered cool enough to get their own Christmas cd. That shit drives me up a wall and I tell of my customers to complain to my manager to get that shit turned off! Overall I normally am not a big fan of Christmas. It was a holiday of family fights and everyone feeling bad on the wrong day. Why is it that families feel the need to fully express their hatred towards something on a day when everyone is supposed to be jolly? It's going to be interesting seeing all of the Christmas decorations around town and its a beautiful summer day out. Christmas in July kind of feeling lol I hopefully can afford to have a Christmas this year. In a week i'm moving to a nicer newer apartment and i'm saying farewell to my little cracked out efficiency. I keep dreaming of our new place covered in Christmas crap and Alessa just sitting in from of the tree in awe. I want her so desperately to have great memories of Christmas. Also this is my first year of holidays without my family. It's nice being on my own because I have felt for a very long time I could do this but I underestimated myself when Thanksgiving rolled around and I was at a strangers house. Don't get my wrong the food was amazing but I kept picturing myself being with my family and I cried. Lame yes but honest later that night I cried and not out of sorrow or depression but because I missed everyone and for terrible stupid reasons lol dumb little things that my family does around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Like my mom waking up and getting ready for our family party 20 minutes before we have to be there. And only half of the food is cooked, everyone in my house is running around like their head is cut off screaming, "Where's my socks!?", "Get out of my way!", "Oh shit we forgot Alice!" Than squishing into the car mom, step dad, myself, two sisters, her boyfriend and mine. Fun times. But their gone and done with and my holidays are never going to be like that again at least until Alessa is older and I pop out more kids. lol I know better though and know not to sleep until the very last minute.
On top of missing my family and being homesick as hell the boyfriend and I fight like cats and dogs now and I feel like it's never going to stop. Today as he is driving me to work around 8:30 we get into this huge fight and I of course start crying. I hate it when it just comes like it did and I can't stop it. I was thankful though because I was opening cafe by myself so no one saw or questioned my crying. Times like this I want my mom just to curl into bed with her and cry. Everything in my life is starting to have a flow and it feels like theirs a purpose now to it than any other point in my life. And my relationship is going to shit, you can't have it all though. I'm going to try though damn it even though he is a huge prick sometimes I love him and I care for him. Stupid emotions stupid growing stupid wanting everything to be alright.
